Issue date
Reprinted with the kind permission of “Attitude News”.
I am a lot of things, a father, husband, adventurer, skier, sailor and dare I say it disabled person but none of these define me more than being a dad.
I wake up in the morning and the first conversation I have is with my 4 year old, usually about some random dream or comment her over active imagination had created and the last thing I do before bed is check on the quietly breathing and dreaming bundle in her room. In many respects being a dad with a disability is no different to any other dad. And I can tell you my wife didn’t let me get away with pulling the disabled card to avoid getting up through the night, changing nappies and bath times. “if you can ski like a maniac you can sure as hell change a dirty nappy”!!
The thought of being a dad in a wheelchair or any disability for that matter can be daunting. Can you contribute to their upbringing in the same way? Will they resent the disability or wish you were like the other dads?
In my (albeit limited) experience with fatherhood I am amazed by how our daughter just doesn’t see the wheelchair and adapts quickly to doing things in different ways. Sure there are some things that we do differently as a result of my disability, but for the most part what is important is the same as for anyone, time, love and involvement.
From a young age my lap more or less replaced a pram when out and about and to this day is a novelty. She constantly wants to just climb up and take a ride. It was surprising how quickly she adapted to that and how stable she became even before she could sit up on her own. Strangely I found this difficult with other peoples kids showing that her adaption was as important as mine.
When other kids ask why I am in a wheelchair (which is common) our daughter is quick, almost proudly, fast to jump up and tell them all about how I crashed a “parrotglider” (paraglider) into a mountain and that’s why I am in a wheelchair.
Sure there are frustrations like not being as able to show her how to ski or swim or ride a bike, but they are quickly overcome. A landmark day for us was the first day I took her skiing by myself after previously having to only ski on days when my wife or a friend could assist. Skiing across Cardrona with my 3 1/2 year old by myself was a huge buzz and something i am sure we will share together over the years and proved to me that I can still offer her great experiences. People were always happy to assist getting her on and off the chairlift etc, and being willing and prepared to accept help is important and is certainly better than sitting at home.
There are very few places we can’t go or things that we can’t do together with a bit of imagination.
Sure it’s of some sadness to me that I can’t teach her to rock climb or take her on tramping holidays in the same way as I would have liked, but does it make me any less of a dad?
Does she notice or wish I was different to how I am?
Unlikely, she just loves her dad and that is Awesome!!
The Author-
Quentin Smith
Quentin is a husband and father of a very active 4 year old girl (Madison). He is a complete T12 paraplegic following a paragliding accident in 2008, but continues to seek out adventure and
enjoyment of the outdoors being involved with sit skiing, sailing and kayaking. He's on the national sport committee for Adaptive Snowsports and advocates for access in the local community.
If you enjoyed this article, you can read more at http://attitudelive.com, or subscribe for a weekly email newsletter at http://attitudelive.com/information-and-resources/information-resources .
Other great newsletters that you can sign up for are include –
Special Olympics’ “fanletter” - http://www.specialolympics.org.nz/Home.aspx
Halberg Disability Sport Foundation - http://www.halbergallsports.co.nz/disability-sports .
